Check For My New Blog Look/ Check For MY Old Broken Heart!

I've been wanting to change the look of my blog for quite some time now. I haven't had much time to focus on it, though. To my followers, please forgive my negligence. Its been a really difficult week or two, lately. Things that I truly care about are slipping from my grip. Now, I am coping with the inevitable feelings that follow when you lose what you love although you remained dedicated to it. All I can say is that someone else's stronger trait/quality is NOT loyalty. So I guess, I'm Mark Morrison again...its the return of the mack. I say that tongue in cheek because my heart and mind are not grasping that concept yet. I know myself though, and I know I will bounce back and get back to having the fun that I desearve, with or without a companion. It's too early in the year to give up on sh*t. I'm going to be the best b!tch I can be. Summer will be here before we all know it and, best believe, ya girl will be prepared. All I can say for sure is that I will have another tat to add to my collection. I get them more or less when I need to feel pain other than the emotional; good pain, though; artful pain that makes you reflect and never forget the time in your life when you got it and why. Eff it...I'm still me. Let the games begin 'cause this is gonna be a mental challenge for me. It kind of feels like that movie "2 can Play That Game". I ain't really trying to go there, but I have a feeling that some of those strategies will come into play. Eff it....Wish ya girl some great luck and blessings. I will be praying. Pray for me...I dont think a reconciliation is in our future. I'm sad...but I'm gon' be alright...Right? All I can do is quote Haley, from Paramore, "Second chances; they don't ever matter. People never change. Once a whore, you're nothing more. I'm sorry, that'll never change." Let me know whats on YOUR mind, gals and guys..."1 love, 1 love, you're lucky just to have just 1...."

Girl Fight Part Trois...(Minus the Girl)

This beautiful soliloquy came straight from my text messages. All messages were copied and pasted as is. As you can see, he cannot even spell. I hate when people butcher the English language. I need someone who, at least, knows how to use proper grammar. This convo took place about a week ago. It threw me off guard. I wasn't expecting it, at all. Have fun reading! Let me know what you think.

Dipstick-GOODMORNING D***. Hows everything. I hope u not mad @ me 4 any reason. I miss u mama. I havent call u because i dont know when u alone. Still wanting 2 hangout and smoke wit you mami. I got 2 much love 4u and you know that.

Meeee-U gotta be kidding me dude. U haven't even looked my way since that incident. And ur b*tch still wants beef with me. Get the f*ck outta here wit that bullsh*t A*. I aint no chicken man. U deal with her ass like that. Im not the one.

Dipstick-You say get the fucc outta here. Now you wanna

Meeee-Ur message was incomplete but imma respond anyway. U did not keep it real wit me. U did not check ur bird. U lied about her being ur "ex". And I don't need problems with dumb broads in my own apt building.

Dipstick-First of all. Yo bullsh*t wit her shouldnt had anything2 do with me & you. My ex. I can say tha same 2u about him cuz thats what u told me. Me personally i think what u & her is doing is childish. And u. I alwayz wave my hand at you ever thru the bullsh*t. U no how i feel wit u. I told u i dont come over because i dont no when your home alone. Its all out of respect on my side. Thats why i didnt deserve ur disrespecting me.

Meeee-Please dude. As long as u aint checkin her, its a prob. He is my ex and he wouldn't be tryn to fight u for no reason being my ex. That's pointless. U haven't said sh*t to me since then. So it is what it is. I haven't done anything with her but be mature about sh*t. She got a problem with me for no f*ckin reason. She's disrespectful and she's childish. Not me. I don't play those games. With nobody. If u can't keep it real when she's around then don't speak at all period.

Dipstick-I thought me & u was alot better than that. She is a ex D***.But is my jelous friend. She has a new bf D***. D*** you already know where my feelings or wit u. I dont think u feel tha same about me. I alwayz wanted2 be wit u like that man. U no that. U just never would give me a chance 2 prove it. but i like u so much D*** that i dont think u would ever understand that part of me. Thats why i think u scared2 be wit me cuz of all the bull u been thru wit n*ggas. But when u got some1 that would luv u for who u are.

Meeee-I don't care who she is to u. I don't deserve her disrespect and I won't tolerate it for any reason. I NEVER disrespected u. EVER. Jealous friend or ex or current girl, u need to put her in her place for real. I live there. Not her and I won't be put in that position without retaliation. I understand if u have feelings for me but u have to understand that I do not feel the same. I was willing to be friends with u but now that's f*cked up too. If we were homies u could come by whenever. Im single. I aint concerned with no n*gga. I do what I want. And I don't let my ppl disrespect my friends. EVER.

Meee-Lets get this clear A*. I aint scared to be with u...I don't have feelings for u like that. Im not attracted to u and im not interested in a physical or emotional relationship with u. I was willing to be friends but I see we can't be. I've been nothing but nice to u. Don't mistake that for something its not. It is what it is.

Dipstick-And im still willing2 try it wit u. If u would give me a chance D***. But i alwayz respected ur wishs and bacced up whenever u asked me2. And i would do the same 4u now if thats what you want. I love like that D*** 2 bacc off if u dont want me around u. Im sorry it was bothering me so much threw these pass few dayz. I hate not talking2 u. We just started bacc talking. Witch i was happy about. She really dont like u cuz she no how i feel about u. But she dont matter here. Its about our friendship D***. I dont wanna loose it.

I never responded. I figured everything I was saying was not being computed or something. The data I sent wasn't being saved. I don't know what it was, but he wasn't getting what I was saying. He can save that sh*t for the Boogie Man AKA Bock Bock. He's pathetic. Boys are dumb. Kick rocks, dipstick!

Its About To Be A What?! A Girl Fight!

First, let me preface this by saying that I've been used to gettin' "hated" on, but in my older years its been a little less "in your face" and more so "behind your back/in your face". Well, I've been meaning to blog about this for a minute but time has not permitted, so, here goes.

A couple of weeks ago I was coming home from my mom's crib. It was 'round midnight. I had my laundry and I was walking up the stairs to my apt. My neighbor (a guy) saw me and came over to help me with my stuff. I told him that it wasn't that heavy but that I appreciated his assistance none the less. He put my stuff by my door and began to walk away. I asked him "how was your show?" (Earlier in the day, he'd invited me to some hip hop show that he was going to, to which I graciously declined, as I didn't want it to be mistaken for a "date"). Just before I could clear all of the words from my voice box, his "chick(en)" came from around the corner of the hallway and yelled, "WHAT THE F*CK YOU HELPIN' HER WITH HER SH!T FOR?!!" My instant reaction was to laugh; loudly. She did not appreciate that. She repeated herself, " NAH AH, WHAT THE F*CK YOU HELPIN' HER WITH HER SH!T FOR?!! AND WHAT SHOW?!!" The latter was directed toward me. I laughed again.

Let me give you all a little backround on this. I have NEVER liked this guy. He's kinda grimy seeming and he'd pissed me off a while back when he attempted, in a very aggresive manner, to kick it to me. After he did that, I didn't speak a word to him for 2 years! Throughout that time, a boyfriend I'd had, and the "guy" had beef and I even stayed out of their drama. I just didn't care to be bothered with him. I wanted no parts of him. Until...

It was my birthday and he asked me if he could smoke some trees with me. I figured, I have been mean enough to this dude and I'd like to blow some trees as well, so, I accepted. He came in and we talked. We talked about why I hadn't spoken to him (as if he didn't understand). We talked about the release of my mixtape. We talked about nothing. The only thing me and this guy have in common are trees, period. Anyway, we blew it down a few more times over the next couple of weeks. Nothing more. I asked once about this girl. I see him with her all the time and I always get a bad "shoot you in your pretty face" vibe from her, so I asked if she was his girl. He told me that she was his EX-girl, that she already had a new man, and that she would just come over and visit with him every now and then. Sounded suspect to me, but I didn't care to go any farther.

Flash forward to her screaming at me,"WHAT SHOW??!!", at my door, in the middle of the night. I looked at her with a smerk and said, "THEE show." He reiterated, "Yeah, THEE show." I laughed, again. She proceeded to yell at me, "NAH AH, WHAT'S THE BUSINESS BETWEEN YA'LL TWO?" She repeated it. I looked at her. I looked at him. At this point I'm amazed that he ain't checked her ass, yet. So I said, calmly, but with a giggle, "He's my neighbor, man." She told me that she "be seein'me" and I "be doin' too much." I looked at her and the whole time I'm thought, " If this B*tch steps one toe nail over my threshold, Imma have to kill her." Ain't gon' be no "Oh, I had a fight." Its gon' be "Oh, I had to kill her cause' she's trespassing and I feel my life is in immediate danger." Anywho, with all that I am trying to accomplish in my life and being that this is my place of residence and not hers, I decided to say to her, calmly, again, "This is my crib, yo. Don't bring that sh*t over here. Talk to him." As I looked at her ugly face, I could see all the tracks in her head and I thought to myself, self, "She's gonna be sooo mad when you snatch every 1 of them wack-ass, loose-ass tracks out her tired ass scalp." She looked as if she wanted to come closer. She said, "I ain't did nothin' to you, yet..." I cut her off and said, in a Hannibal Lecter-esque demeanor, "Now, why the f*ck would you do something to me?" I wanted to cannibalize her ass. He quickly got in between us and shoved her down the stairs. I laughed. She yelled at him, "OH, YOU GON' PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME, NOW?!!" Ay, ay, ay. What's wrong with these chickens? He ain't even on a little bit of my level, especially as far as looks go. I can see how she pulled him. She's tired. A mess, even. If jealousy makes people into monsters, then she's definitely on the boogie man's level. I love silly broads. I always have because I appreciate a good laugh.

That ain't it, though. After all of that, he text me. He said that he was so sorry and implored my forgiveness. He said that he "didn't even know she was in the building." HAHAHAHAHA! Whatever, lame-o. My reply was simply, "Check that b*tch." He stated that he had already done so and "sent her on her way". Then, this numbskull had the audacity to ask me if I wanted his company!!! I didn't answer. He then tried to bribe me by saying, "You won't be sorry. Nothing but kisses from neck to toe." EWWWWW!!! Seriously? Is that how game works? I was flabbergasted. I replied, "I ain't even trying to get down with you like that, man. Please don't ever get at me like that, again!" He said, "Ok, I respect that." HAHAHA! As if he had a choice. WTF?!!! Do I seem like I want you to come over here and kiss me from neck to toe? Because I don't! YUCK! Even if I did like him, what had just occurred would've killed all that for me. I'm selective. I am very selective. Never in a zillion-katrillion-bagillion years would I select him. EVER. Gross. The trees were good, but not worth the drama.

Anyway, after all of that, he came home the next day, walked up the same stairs (I can see this because I keep my door open when it's too hot in my crib) and don't you know this bird was following right behind him! (I thought I smelled chicken)! HAHAHA! I almost died! If a dude played me out like that, I def wouldn't be back. Especially the very next day. Mind you, he said she was his EX. Don't seem very "Ex-like" to me. I should've blew up his spot but I didn't. I'm a lady! To top it off, he didn't even look at me! LMAO! Now he don't know me? I love it!

I guess the point of this blog entry is to warn you all, chicken head or no chicken head, you can't just go around tryng to fight pretty girls just because they live next door to your, eh em..." EX "; especially at their homes. You could get shot, stabbed with kitchen knives, sliced with kindergarten scissors, cheese grated, kicked down the stairs, jumped by their homegirls, beat by their boyfriends, brothers, cousins or even, homeboys. Even worse, they could call the block out on yo' stank ass (remember, it’s her territory). It’s just not smart and it def ain't safe, and not every woman will be as researved and clear minded as I. Now she likes to play the "staring" game with me.

Stay tuned for the next episode of "I know my man has a thing for you, b*tch next door, and because you're pretty and I'm not, I'm going to stare you down every chance I get because I have the misconception that you're a chump and plus, I have nothing better to do but follow behind his sorry, sneaky ass", because ya'll know this ain't the end of it. I'm going to get a snap shot of her somehow and post it. I got tricks up my sleeve. Abra cadabra, chickenz! BOCK BOCK!

Yesterday Someone Shitted On Me!

It makes me sad that I actually started to really like someone who allegedly liked me, too. The reason it makes me sad is because he basically threw me in the garbage can for another broad. Rejection sucks and I don't like it. I really don't know how to process this. This has happend to me, maybe once. Twice, now. In my entire life! My friend told me to "just let it suck". So, that's what I'm doing. I'm conflicted because I can't really be mad at him for being truthful with me. So what can I be mad at him for? Well, I can be mad that he made me like him when I really didn't want to. I can be mad at him for taking me on the best dates I've had in my whole dating career and making me like him even more. I can be mad at him for laying with me in my bed and not attempting to violate me every which way, as we kissed, which made me like him a whole helluva a lot more. I can be mad at him for being dope enough to make me check him out when he was not looking. I can be mad at him for making me believe that we had the potential to be the dopest couple on the planet. I can definitely be mad at him for making me lose sleep because we had the illest 2 1/2 hour make-out session in the middle of an L.A. ghetto, in the parking lot of one of the dopest, most historical hip hop spots on the planet, dressed in vintage hip hop attire. (I didn't get home til 5am!) I can be mad at him for giving me a cute, silly little nickname that I didn't even like until he kept calling me by it and made me re-evaluate the whole "I don't like that nickname" thing. I can be mad at him for managing to be intelligent enough to stimulate the most erogenous part of my body (my brain) by whispering extensive vocabulary words in my ear, in the dark. I can be mad at him for even fathoming the thought that this chick(en) is ACTUALLY fresher than me. This is why I have an icebox where my heart used to be. "I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold." I hope she's worth it. You f*cked up, kid.