Its About To Be A What?! A Girl Fight!

First, let me preface this by saying that I've been used to gettin' "hated" on, but in my older years its been a little less "in your face" and more so "behind your back/in your face". Well, I've been meaning to blog about this for a minute but time has not permitted, so, here goes.

A couple of weeks ago I was coming home from my mom's crib. It was 'round midnight. I had my laundry and I was walking up the stairs to my apt. My neighbor (a guy) saw me and came over to help me with my stuff. I told him that it wasn't that heavy but that I appreciated his assistance none the less. He put my stuff by my door and began to walk away. I asked him "how was your show?" (Earlier in the day, he'd invited me to some hip hop show that he was going to, to which I graciously declined, as I didn't want it to be mistaken for a "date"). Just before I could clear all of the words from my voice box, his "chick(en)" came from around the corner of the hallway and yelled, "WHAT THE F*CK YOU HELPIN' HER WITH HER SH!T FOR?!!" My instant reaction was to laugh; loudly. She did not appreciate that. She repeated herself, " NAH AH, WHAT THE F*CK YOU HELPIN' HER WITH HER SH!T FOR?!! AND WHAT SHOW?!!" The latter was directed toward me. I laughed again.

Let me give you all a little backround on this. I have NEVER liked this guy. He's kinda grimy seeming and he'd pissed me off a while back when he attempted, in a very aggresive manner, to kick it to me. After he did that, I didn't speak a word to him for 2 years! Throughout that time, a boyfriend I'd had, and the "guy" had beef and I even stayed out of their drama. I just didn't care to be bothered with him. I wanted no parts of him. Until...

It was my birthday and he asked me if he could smoke some trees with me. I figured, I have been mean enough to this dude and I'd like to blow some trees as well, so, I accepted. He came in and we talked. We talked about why I hadn't spoken to him (as if he didn't understand). We talked about the release of my mixtape. We talked about nothing. The only thing me and this guy have in common are trees, period. Anyway, we blew it down a few more times over the next couple of weeks. Nothing more. I asked once about this girl. I see him with her all the time and I always get a bad "shoot you in your pretty face" vibe from her, so I asked if she was his girl. He told me that she was his EX-girl, that she already had a new man, and that she would just come over and visit with him every now and then. Sounded suspect to me, but I didn't care to go any farther.

Flash forward to her screaming at me,"WHAT SHOW??!!", at my door, in the middle of the night. I looked at her with a smerk and said, "THEE show." He reiterated, "Yeah, THEE show." I laughed, again. She proceeded to yell at me, "NAH AH, WHAT'S THE BUSINESS BETWEEN YA'LL TWO?" She repeated it. I looked at her. I looked at him. At this point I'm amazed that he ain't checked her ass, yet. So I said, calmly, but with a giggle, "He's my neighbor, man." She told me that she "be seein'me" and I "be doin' too much." I looked at her and the whole time I'm thought, " If this B*tch steps one toe nail over my threshold, Imma have to kill her." Ain't gon' be no "Oh, I had a fight." Its gon' be "Oh, I had to kill her cause' she's trespassing and I feel my life is in immediate danger." Anywho, with all that I am trying to accomplish in my life and being that this is my place of residence and not hers, I decided to say to her, calmly, again, "This is my crib, yo. Don't bring that sh*t over here. Talk to him." As I looked at her ugly face, I could see all the tracks in her head and I thought to myself, self, "She's gonna be sooo mad when you snatch every 1 of them wack-ass, loose-ass tracks out her tired ass scalp." She looked as if she wanted to come closer. She said, "I ain't did nothin' to you, yet..." I cut her off and said, in a Hannibal Lecter-esque demeanor, "Now, why the f*ck would you do something to me?" I wanted to cannibalize her ass. He quickly got in between us and shoved her down the stairs. I laughed. She yelled at him, "OH, YOU GON' PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME, NOW?!!" Ay, ay, ay. What's wrong with these chickens? He ain't even on a little bit of my level, especially as far as looks go. I can see how she pulled him. She's tired. A mess, even. If jealousy makes people into monsters, then she's definitely on the boogie man's level. I love silly broads. I always have because I appreciate a good laugh.

That ain't it, though. After all of that, he text me. He said that he was so sorry and implored my forgiveness. He said that he "didn't even know she was in the building." HAHAHAHAHA! Whatever, lame-o. My reply was simply, "Check that b*tch." He stated that he had already done so and "sent her on her way". Then, this numbskull had the audacity to ask me if I wanted his company!!! I didn't answer. He then tried to bribe me by saying, "You won't be sorry. Nothing but kisses from neck to toe." EWWWWW!!! Seriously? Is that how game works? I was flabbergasted. I replied, "I ain't even trying to get down with you like that, man. Please don't ever get at me like that, again!" He said, "Ok, I respect that." HAHAHA! As if he had a choice. WTF?!!! Do I seem like I want you to come over here and kiss me from neck to toe? Because I don't! YUCK! Even if I did like him, what had just occurred would've killed all that for me. I'm selective. I am very selective. Never in a zillion-katrillion-bagillion years would I select him. EVER. Gross. The trees were good, but not worth the drama.

Anyway, after all of that, he came home the next day, walked up the same stairs (I can see this because I keep my door open when it's too hot in my crib) and don't you know this bird was following right behind him! (I thought I smelled chicken)! HAHAHA! I almost died! If a dude played me out like that, I def wouldn't be back. Especially the very next day. Mind you, he said she was his EX. Don't seem very "Ex-like" to me. I should've blew up his spot but I didn't. I'm a lady! To top it off, he didn't even look at me! LMAO! Now he don't know me? I love it!

I guess the point of this blog entry is to warn you all, chicken head or no chicken head, you can't just go around tryng to fight pretty girls just because they live next door to your, eh em..." EX "; especially at their homes. You could get shot, stabbed with kitchen knives, sliced with kindergarten scissors, cheese grated, kicked down the stairs, jumped by their homegirls, beat by their boyfriends, brothers, cousins or even, homeboys. Even worse, they could call the block out on yo' stank ass (remember, it’s her territory). It’s just not smart and it def ain't safe, and not every woman will be as researved and clear minded as I. Now she likes to play the "staring" game with me.

Stay tuned for the next episode of "I know my man has a thing for you, b*tch next door, and because you're pretty and I'm not, I'm going to stare you down every chance I get because I have the misconception that you're a chump and plus, I have nothing better to do but follow behind his sorry, sneaky ass", because ya'll know this ain't the end of it. I'm going to get a snap shot of her somehow and post it. I got tricks up my sleeve. Abra cadabra, chickenz! BOCK BOCK!