Sex and the Suburbs IV "Batman Returns" (2/27/07)

I usually don’t pick up the phone for numbers that I don’t recognize but, in this case, the number looked kind of familiar; like someone who sometimes called my house looking for a friend of mine. I picked up. “Can I speak to D***?” the man on the other end said. (Ok, it wasn’t for my friend.) “Who is this?” I asked. “Batman.” he replied. My heart dropped to my stomach and almost immediately I began to laugh out loud! “Wow!” I said…”Batman, Batman?” I had to verify. “Yep.” He said as he chuckled. We shared a laugh. “What’s up?” I asked, giving him a chance to tell me the reason he decided to call me now. He told me that he’d been trying to contact me because he’d heard, through mutual friends, of all the progress I’d made in my music career and he wanted to check out a show. Whoa. Okay, I thought to myself, slowly trying to figure out what his motives were as I simultaneously played back all the bullsh*t that happened 4 years prior. Funny though, I didn’t feel like I thought I would feel after all this time. I wasn’t bitter anymore. I wasn’t ready to go off on him; none of that. We were both pretty surprised but, it was what it was. From there we continue.

We had a normal conversation; nothing too personal. I did ask how his “family” was doing. He said his daughter was doing well and that her mom, Vickee, lived pretty close to him. I didn’t ask if they were still a couple but I was dying to know because I was curious as to why they weren’t living together. It was a great conversation; much better than I ever thought it would be. He was like my best friend all over again. What I mean is that it felt good, even if it was just for a little while.

Anyhow, we, let me rephrase that; he would call and we would chat or he would text me and we would chat- a lot. He’d say things like “I’m sorry, I’m just excited to have you back in my life.” He even claimed that he felt like he’d lost one of his best friends when we parted ways. (Wow, look who seemed like a BIG man.) A couple of times I was tied up when he called so I’d ask, “Is it ok to call you back-at this number-even if it’s late?” I was feeling him out. One time he replied, I’m single, D***, I do what I want.” Single, huh? Yea ok.

So, he actually did come to the show, like he said he would! It was nice to see him. He looked good; mature, even. We talked at the function and when it was time to go I gave him a hug and thanked him for coming. That was it. We kept in touch, often, and one night he said he was coming out to my part of town and hinted/asked if he could stop by. Damnit! This was a trap, I thought to myself. It was the first time in years that we would be alone together. I was apprehensive, I must admit, but I gave him the ok. When he got to my house it was cool. We talked and laughed and I finally got the nerve to tell him how I felt back then. (I mean I put it all out there!) I asked him straight up why he handled things the way he did. He told me that he felt strongly for me back then but he didn’t think I felt the same way. (I was frontin’ a whole lot) He said he became confused as he got closer to both Vickee and me, and that when I gave him “the letter” he didn’t know what to do because she was already pregnant. He admitted that he wished he’d handled things differently and said that he missed our friendship all those years. Awww. I sat and paid attention to him as he spoke, which I knew took a lot out of him, and I was attracted to him all over again. OMG! I had to have him-so I did. B-A-D.

Well, as wrong as it was, it happened, and I was willing to look past it and move on. I mean, I didn’t want anything from him and I thought he felt the same. I was wrong.

We had many late night talks after that. We’d be up till 4 or 5 in the morning a few days a week on the phone reminiscing, joking, laughing and talking about “us”. After we put everything out there on the table (I do mean EVERYTHING), he suggested that we give it another try; for real this time. We both agreed that we never really had a fair chance the first time around and that we should at least see where we could take it. I was in complete shock. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. Mr. Emotionless had confessed his feelings and admitted his mistakes and now we were to move on, together; “exclusively”, as HE suggested. Let me reiterate that it was his suggestion. Pretty cool, huh? Yea.

We went out a few times. We hung out on our days off. He came to my house and I went to his. I asked him how he thought Vickee would feel about “us”. I mean, she had spent a lot of time wondering if we had something going on back in the past and I’m sure she felt like she’d finally gotten rid of me and, POOF, all of a sudden I was back and “we” were a “couple”? I knew that would be a pill too jagged for her to swallow. He told me that he didn’t want to tell her about “us” until he felt secure with our “relationship”. He wanted to wait at least a year. I understood, although I didn’t think we’d need a year to validate our “relationship”, I kept that thought to myself. With that in mind, we also agreed that I wouldn’t meet his daughter for the same reasons. It all sounded logical so I went along with it.

We had some really good times with each other and I really felt like we had come a long way and actually had the potential to make it as a couple. I let him take the lead. He called me to hang out. He invited me over. He invited himself over or just gave hints that he wanted to come over. (He always had a hard time saying what he felt when it had to do with us.) Eventually I reciprocated but not for quite some time. I wasn’t stupid. I didn’t believe for one second that it could be so easy, so I let him set the tone.

2 months into our “relationship” I went out of town. We talked almost every night and I missed him, so I told him. He didn’t say it back. Although I knew in my heart and mind that he missed me, I let it go because I figured it was a little too early in for him, Mr. Emotionless, to verbally express it to me. To his credit, he did text every now and then that he “wished I was there with him.”

4 months into things I decided to tell him again. He asked me how I was doing one day and I told him, I was ok but I missed him. I waited. He still didn’t say it back to me. I thought to myself, if you don’t miss me by now then F*** you! I was upset but I didn’t tell him until the next day or so. The whole “I miss you” thing triggered a conversation that lead him to tell me that he felt we were like boyfriend/girlfriend and moving too fast in the “relationship”. I listened and although I wasn’t at all surprised that he’d pulled this sh** on me, I was still hurt; as hurt as I could be, due to the fact that I already expected he’d do something ill like that, eventually.

Our “talk” was eventually interrupted because he had to go to work, so he said we could continue it later, but when later came it was as if nothing had ever happened. There was no issue. He acted as if everything was normal so I went along with it and decided to just fall back. The funny thing was that once I backed off he got upset. He’d make sarcastic comments like, “Gosh, I said one little thing and everything is different” and “I didn’t mean for anything to change.” But wasn’t that the point? Didn’t he tell me how he felt so that I would back off? Had I not given him space, he would’ve felt like he told me how he felt in vein and that I didn’t get the hint, right? I gave him what he indirectly asked for and he was upset about it. I thought it was quite comical, at the same time, I was so heated, that I wrote a song about the situation and planned to give it to him but I never built up the nerve to do so.

I stayed with him for 2 months after the “talk” to see if he’d get his act together, but he seemed to distance himself from me; maybe because I pulled away from him so abruptly, maybe not. But I refused to be another Vickee. I refused to be head over heals for a man that could be with me for years and still not really know or admit how he felt about me. I knew I had wasted enough of my time and that he’d hurt me in the end, again, if I let him.

Around the Holidays we’d drifted so far apart that I hadn’t even heard from him for 2weeks and I damn sure didn’t call him. I decided it was time to pull the rug from under his a**. But rather than call him and tell him how I felt (for fear of being called too sensitive), I wrote him an e-mail. I know it probably seems like a cop out but he had ridiculed me so many times before about my “sensitivity” that I couldn’t give him the opportunity to turn this moment into a “sensitivity” issue. I told him that somehow I knew he would do this then I reminded him that he told me he would always be there for me. I told him that it was obvious to me that he didn’t want this relationship and that there was no reason to continue. I attached the song I’d written to the email and like that, it was over! I did kind of hope for a response, knowing that it was highly unlikely, or at least something to show respect for what we’d shared and the fact that I’d given him a second chance even though I had a feeling he would drop that piano on my head again. Nothing. No response, ever. Am I wrong or is that a really cowardly way to handle things, especially as an adult? To this day I’ve heard nothing from wack a** “Batman” and my question is this: how long does it really take for a man to step up to the plate and be a man? How long is a woman supposed to wait? “Batman” and I agreed on all the same things. He brought up most of the things we agreed on. I didn’t imagine the depth of our relationship. He made me feel like it was ok to be a certain way with him and when I was that way he reneged. I can’t even stress enough that I knew he would [renege]. I didn’t know in what manner, but I knew he would.

I’d given “Batman” a second chance because I felt that after all this time he’d grown up, he’d matured and somehow he’d know how to treat me because his daughter had changed him. I felt that way because he made me feel that way and after I walked away, this time, I felt really good because I’d done so with my head held high knowing that I’d been open and honest from the jump and that he was the one who had been dishonorable. But what the heck went wrong? I guess I’ll never know. But I do know this: I’d better not get a call in 4 years to explain!

Sex and the Suburbs III "Batman" (1/11/07)

Many years ago, I dated this man; this boy transitioning in to manhood; well, let’s just say, this guy. I call this guy “Batman” because we rarely got out of the bat cave to do anything fun. Don’t get me wrong, we had fun just hanging out, watching movies and enjoying each others company. I just thought that we would be more active outside of the bat cave than we actually were. Anyway, I “dated” Batman for a little over a year. He had a girl that he was dating regularly and we started out as friends. Haha…until…one night we just had so many sparks flying that I just put it out there in the open. “I’m attracted to you, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” I said. He agreed. We spent more time together, just chillin’ and getting to know each other, and a few months later, we began a physical relationship. Even though we both agreed to keep feelings and emotions out of it, I knew it was a bad move.
It started out cool. He was honest with me about the girl, or so I thought. “We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of years.” he told me. Huh? A couple of years? And you haven’t committed to her? (i.e. “The Blame Game”) No, he hadn’t. Poor girl. Not only had he not committed to her, but he also hadn’t told her he was boinking every girl that walked into that “den of sin” that he damn near lived in with his friends. No surprise. Why not though? Oh yea, because he didn’t want her to do the same thing. Got it.
Well, as time went on, their relationship grew (though I had no idea know how much), our relationship grew, and the mess grew. For the first few months, he was eager to be with me, hang out, talk, laugh and just have fun. When the lights went off there was a collage of fireworks, passion, lust, emotions and thrilling things that I had never even thought of doing before. (Whooo…excuse me.) As time went on though, he began making excuses for why he couldn’t hang with me or why he couldn’t stay very long after we’d wake up together. I began to see my status slip farther and farther down the “hang out” chain. I also started to notice that he was spending more and more time with “her”. This went on for months and I slipped into an emotional haze; depressed, sad and constantly wondering where this was going and if I was going to get my heart broken. The problem, in my eyes, was that I had broken our agreement. I started catching feelings. Damn. It really confused me. Here, he had a woman that he was not interested in committing to, even thought they had a few years under their belt. And then there was me. The fun, cool, buddy like chick that he had never been exposed to. Having that power, I felt I could shift his attention towards me eventually, and she would just vanish. After all, if he really wanted to be with her, he would not be with me, right? Wrong!
I tried, very nonchalantly, on several occasions to break things off with him, as I had slipped further into my haze, but he didn’t take me seriously. I had put up such a front that he believed that I was fine with how things were. I wasn’t. But I was afraid to tell him just how far down I had sunk. Deeper and deeper into him, and hell. He was a dog. A dirty dog. I knew this. But I still wanted him. Why? If I got him what would I do with him? He would without a doubt, be the same snake to me as he had been to her. So what the hell was I doing?
Time went on and we went back and forth. Off and on. I knew they had been getting closer and hanging out more and more, but he never told me this himself. I just so happened to have a little birdie on my side that made me privy to a lot of exclusive information. Yet, I still thought, “He’ll never take her seriously. They’ll never be together.” Dumb.
After so many months of trying to get up the nerve to tell him exactly how I felt, I decided to let it all out. It had taken over my brain. It was all I thought about. All I wanted to do was see him, be around him, and make him stay with me. But it wasn’t like that. I wrote him the longest letter of all time. Gosh it had to be about 10 pages long. It was the only way was I could get him to pay attention, without jokes and sarcastic comments to deter me. He never responded. Wow. Not only did my lover diss me, but my so called “friend” had forsaken me and our “friendship” without a second thought. Not too long after “the letter”, my little birdie let me in on some exclusive news. Batman and Vickee Vale were expecting. A child?! I was devastated! According to my humming bird buddy, they were actually happy about it and couldn’t wait for their new arrival. WTF! After I recovered from the piano that dropped down onto my head, I gathered up the courage to see him one last time. I wanted to give him a chance to come clean. I thought for sure that he would. He didn’t. Damn, after all the good times, laughs, inside jokes, late night talks, etc. I thought I meant more than that to him. I thought we connected. I was wrong.
Our friendship had gone from all things to no things. What happened to our honesty policy? Why didn’t he just tell me? True, I was in way over my head with this one, and, as many times as I had tried to leave him alone, I never once told him how deeply I had fallen and how much he had affected me. I became a different person. I didn’t even recognize myself any more. After that night, I completely walked away from him and our “situation”, and he abandoned me, and our friendship, and never looked back. (Boo freekin’ hoo.) He was gone. Out of my life for good and I was ambivalent. My guard was back up and no one was going to get in, ever! No friends. No lovers. I lost. She won. Good riddance. I mean, what was I going to do with a guy like that anyway? My brain settled on the notion that she would be the one to suffer with him and for him, not me. Fine.
Years passed and I thought about him less and less. Only every now and again wondering how he was doing, what his child was like, if he was happy with the decision that he made, and, of course, why he didn’t just man up and tell me the truth.
I had this flawless image of them in my mind. This cute little couple with this cute little baby and the perfect parents raising their perfect child together, in love and, possibly, in marital bliss. Whatever.
4 years later I had lived, loved and lost, and it was time for me to start over, again. I sat in my apartment with my new attitude on life and love, and Batman far, far away from my thoughts. Until the phone rang.